In an effort to control the conversation, some people attempt to define reality by labeling you in a negative way. I call this type of behavior-‘doing a number’. Don’t let them do it. Their words can be derogatory and/or demeaning, placing you in a one down position, with such statements as…”I feel that you’re crazy” (wrong, stupid or anything other pejorative term) or “You’re too sensitive” (too emotional or any other negative spin on your feelings). Sometimes they express hostility under the guise of humor with something like- “I was only joking”. Well if you’re not laughing — it’s not funny. These examples give the speaker the advantage of positing their opinions as the truth. THEY ARE NOT THE TRUTH. They are simply the negatively biased opinions of the speaker. One may ask: “How do I take back the control of the conversation?” It’s really quite simple but requires the emotional strength to take care of yourself as the interaction unfolds. But some people need support from an outside source before they can do it for themselves. The best way to treat a bully is to bully them back. For example, when a group member accused another of being ‘too sensitive”, I protected the other and said to the speaker, “And you’re too insensitive.” In another case, a group member made a deprecatory joke labeling another’s emotional frailty as ‘weakness’. I stepped in hard and labeled them back and said, “That’s abusive.” Then I said, “His weakness is his greatest strength.”
Mantra: Don’t Do A Number On Anyone and Don’t Let Anyone Do A Number On You
By Robert S. Pepper, Phd.|2018-08-23T16:59:13-04:00August 23, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on Mantra: Don’t Do A Number On Anyone and Don’t Let Anyone Do A Number On You
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About the Author: Robert S. Pepper, Phd.
Dr. Pepper has been running groups for over twenty-five years and specializes in group therapy. He has a special gift in helping member's resolve conflicts with.