Interventions are in bold print.
Chapter 4: Don’t Be An Aggressive Force In A Frightened Woman’s Life
Some group members are in individual treatment with me, some are not. For those seen only in group, I always make sure to have some verbal contact with them each session, inviting them the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings about the ongoing group interaction. This is done to maintain the emotional connection between them and the others. However, there are some members that are so shy and quiet that even minimum contact engenders anxiety. Such was the case with Michele, the stereotypical ‘shrinking violet’. Michele’s individual therapist had referred her to group because she was socially isolation and withdrawn. At the start of the screening interview, I asked:” How can I help you?” Her reply was telling. She said: ”My therapist thinks that I spend too much time alone”. I said: “Do you agree with her?” Michele gave me a wry smile and shrugged her shoulders and said: “ As a kid, my nickname was Shell-y”. I was immediately struck by the contradiction in her personality and style. In her mid-thirties, a spinster school teacher,Michele was physically attractive, bright and articulate, but her bearing, style of dress and appearance were of a much older woman. She appeared child-like in her mannerisms and in her high-pitched voice. When I asked what Michele’s first memory was, she said that she remembered being an infant, standing in her crib, crying for what seemed forever, and no one coming to comfort her. This told me that her feelings of isolation and being ignored go all the way back and that as a group member, she would probably expect and perhaps even, gravitate to that type of treatment from the group, despite her conscious wish for the opposite.
In group, Michele, spoke in a quiet voice and avoided eye contact. She was painfully nervous. Despite her reticence, the group took an immediate liking to her, there was genuine warmth about her that shone though and it drew members to her. The older women were particularly fond of Michele, she touched their maternal instinct. Michele was a kind woman and identified with members that spoke of their emotional pain but she was hesitant to initiate any contact or reveal too much about herself. She was terrified of social contact but even more frightened of men and their sexual interest in her. The men sensed this although nothing was said. She gave off the vibration:” Keep your distance”. Over time, however, the men in the group became interested in her because of her intellect, charm and nascent sensuality but were afraid to approach her and knew that she would be paralyzed with fear if one of them did. After several months in group, we noticed small changes in Michele’s appearance. She had her hair styled and highlighted. She dressed in brighter colors, and wore fashionable accessories, jewelry, a scarf, and began to wear a little make-up. One woman, Jacki noticed the change and commented: “I really like the new you”. Michele couldn’t take the compliment: “It’s still the same me underneath”. That’s when Ray changed the level of the interaction: “I’ve noticed the changes too and would love to see what’s underneath. One night with me and I’ll show you—big stiff..” Before he could complete the sentence, Dottie stopped him: “Ray, you’re a lout, a brute, can’t you see how frightened she is?” Michele’s face had become frozen with fear and dread. I stepped immediately and said to Ray:” There is no physical contact between people in this group. If any man has amorous feelings toward Michele, tell them to me”. Ray said: “Why can’t I tell Michele what I’d liked to do to her?” I said: “Never be an aggressive force in a frightened woman’s life.
