Here’s Another Chapter From My Book: ’99 Unconventional Interventions in Group Psychotherapy’

One of my group rules is the dress code. I consider group therapy to be work and I expect members to dress accordingly. Back in the day, that meant jacket and tie for men, skirts or dresses for women.  Clearly, times have changed. Nevertheless I expect members to dress appropriately.  But rules are made to be broken and some members show disdain for them.

However, it might be injurious to the offending member if I were to confront them directly about their attire.  They could feel shamed and humiliated if the authority figure were critical of them. In these instances, the best case scenario would be if the group gently but deliberately acted as the agent of change.

For example, one fellow, ‘Harry’ came dressed in shorts and a Polo-shirt—IN MID- FEBRUARY.  The group was incredulous and questioned his sanity for dressing like it was summer in the middle of winter.  But Harry would have none of it. In fact, he boasted:” I’ll dress any way I want.  No one tells me what to do. This is a free country. I can do as I like as long as I’m not hurting anyone”.                        The group reminded Harry that his oppositional ways had gotten him in trouble at work and his personal life and he was doing the same thing in group. Clearly, Harry was a provocative fellow.  He had a way to get people angry at him when in fact; it was he who was angry.                                                                               To my mind, the group had gone too far in confronting Harry. I knew if he felt shamed he would flee, and rightly so. The group would have become a dangerous place, not only for him but for any member who wanted to ‘let their freak flag fly’, so to speak.  Harry was right when he said that he wasn’t hurting anyone by his behavior, himself included.  I decided to protect him.                                                                                                                   I did so by praising his outfit. I told him, in front of the group, that his powder blue Polo shirt nicely matched his blue striped seersucker shorts and the penny loafers without socks added just the right preppy touch.  He didn’t seem to know what to make of what I said. Harry wasn’t sure if I was sincere but he smiled appreciatively anyway and resumed his battle with the group.                                                                                                    Finally I said to him: “Are you getting the reaction you want?” The question led to an honest discussion of his need for attention, even if it were negative.  To Harry, it was better than being ignored.