Emotions are like energy. Feelings can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed. This conservation of emotions can take three possible forms: 1. they can be put into words 2. they can be acted out 3. they can be put into the body and be transformed into symptoms. In this third instances, when the symptoms are determined by a medical doctor, not to be organic in nature, I often refer to the group member as a body poet. Group members often lament:” What’s the use of having feelings if they can’t change things”. I always disagree with statements of this sort because they miss the point. The point is that putting feelings into words has a stabilizing effect. Emotions have value whether or not they change things in a person’s life. I have witnessed this phenomena in both my professional and personal lives. In my work as a group therapists, the stabilizing effect of putting feelings into words has occurred countless times. I tell the group that there are many things in life that we can’t control but we’re always entitled to have our feelings about them.
A group member, Mary, often complained of stomach aches. Her medical doctor could find no physical reason for them. He told her that they were: “All in your head… Go see a shrink”. This was a rather insensitive and inaccurate formulation. To say:” it’s all in your head”, makes it seems like Mary’s symptoms weren’t real but they were real in the sense that she experienced physical pain. During one group meeting, she complained of particularly severe stomach pain. I asked her: ” If your stomach could speak, what would it say?” She said: ” I don’t know”. I said:” I don’t know means, I don’t want to know. This is not a factual question. Give your stomach pains words”. Then Mary said:” I miss my mother”. She suddenly realized that this was the anniversary of her mother’s death. She had put it out of her mind and forgot about it; but the pain of missing her mother didn’t just go away. It went into her body. Why her stomach? You ask. I don’t really know. Perhaps her stomach was most sensitive to emotional pain. Group members asked Mary to tell us about her mother. After she did, the pain went away. On another night, Jerry told the group that he had a terrible headache. Another member, Edith, asked him: “Who in your life is a headache?” Without missing a beat, Jerry said: “My wife! We just had a terrible fight and she threatened to leave me. She threatens to leave me every time we have a fight. I’ve told her many times that threatening to leave is dirty fighting. It frightens and angers me and I feel insecure”. Other group members concurred. They validated his feelings. Members agreed that his wife’s threats de-stabilize the relationship. Jerry felt greatly relieved. “How’s your headache now?” I asked. Jerry smiled and said: “It’s almost gone.. not totally gone but better”. I knew we were on the right track.
