A colleague called and asked my opinion on a problem he was having in his group.  One member was driving the group crazy waffling about whether to stay.  When the group attempted to convince her to stay–she felt controlled. In frustration, the group supported her leaving and she left abandoned.  It seemed obvious to me that the question to her should be: ” Do you want us to hold on to you or let you go?”  He said that he liked that and would use it. Several weeks later,  my colleague called to say that the group member was thrilled by the question.   She felt taken seriously and chose to stay; that is ,until the ambivalence built up again and she resumed her push/pull attitude which not surprisingly mirrored her relationships in real life.