Relationships are always a sort of dance; there’s the eternal push-pull.  At the heart of all emotionally intense relationships there is ambivalence, strong conflicting feelings at the same time.  A patient(identifying information has been altered to protect confidentiality)  with a history of failed love relationships, complained to me about her new boyfriend.  She wanted to know if I thought he was ” the right one” for her.  I told her that I didn’t know if he were the one but what I do know is all of her boyfriends had at least one thing in common.  She asked:” What’s that?” I replied; “YOU!  And for you–too close is no  good, too far apart is no good”.  She can’t seem to find the right distance in  love relationships; but she’s not alone with that problem. Many people fear emotional intimacy for at least one of four reasons: 1. fear of loss of impulse control 2. fear of abandonment 3. fear vulnerability 4. fear of engulfment.  She was very afraid to allow herself to become too emotionally attached to any man. In her mind,  literally sleeping with a man was more threatening than having sex with him. After sex with her boyfriend,  goes back to her own apartment to sleep alone. She doesn’t understand why he feels hurt and rejected when she leaves.   That’s why I recommended that she join one of my therapy groups.