When people ask me why the picture of storm waves as the book cover for “Emotional Incest in Group Psychotherapy–A Conspiracy of Silence”, I say:” I’ll tell you but first tell me your thought about its significance”. Some say it represents stormy relationships; others have said that I’m making waves. I tell people that I chose the cover because of my love of the ocean. In any case, once in the public eye, the cover means whatever people think it means. Most agree that the book is controversial, well-written and passionate and that’s good enough for me.
This blog is devoted to a running dialogue between me and my colleagues that have read my book and as a result, now see their group interactions in a new light. The title refers to the beautiful, tumultuous and dangerous ocean. I chose it as a metaphor for the relationships that develop at group training organizations. The following are examples of that dialogue.
“Rob, I appreciate the warning and encouragement. I have a pretty tough hide these days (one of the things I have loved about senior status, getting older is so underrated) but am mindful of how uncomfortable that can feel. I am determined to give it a shot because it is totally relevant to what happens in the room. In our training groups there is regular discussion about the impact of relationships outside the room and that impact on group process”. Charlie
Charlie: That’s great. A word of caution–If you decide to “call out’ about outside the group relationships at your next institute—be prepared to take on the group’s aggression. Most group are threatened about discussing the unspoken communication in the room. If the leader is competent, she/he will step in and protect you, allowing for the open airing of all points of view. If the leader is not competent, she/he will either stand by and let the group scapegoat you or even worse, join in the attack. Rob
“Rob, Several other things have come to mind as you speak. At the AGPA, in the institutes, often after the fact I have found out about all kinds of prior relationships between trainees and each other or the group facilitator which suddenly makes apparent that some of the dynamics that played out in the room had something to do with relationships outside the institute. Part of me feels inclined in my next institute to call that out at the beginning of the group because how it plays out is unpredictable yet evident after the fact. I will keep you in my loop finding our exchanges quite meaningful for my thinking and practice”. Charlie
Charlie: When you attend their weekend workshops, you’ll find out firsthand exactly what I’m talking about. Just listen to the interactions between the leaders and the trainees and between the trainees themselves and you’ll find out that it really is a pressure cooker. It’s a great learning experience as how NOT to conduct groups. After the weekend, if you’d like to discuss your experience, feel free to contact me. Rob
“A couple of guys from Seattle and I are planning to go back this winter for one of their weekend workshops. I have never been on a blog before but will check it out through your website. With our offer that you may say anything that is on your mind, I am trying to imagine how it plays out to be in a training and therapy setting in one location, especially when so much is on the line like recommendations for future employment. Plus the extra group contact makes it nuts. Despite the directive on our prospectus to, if you talk outside the group about what happened inside the group to bring that conversation to the group, we get informed toward the end of the year that they have been talking like crazy outside the group about their experiences. For our group as an opener, we tolerate this but with a training institute, it feels like an absolute pressure cooker. Since we don’t have any formal training institutes out here, it is not a concept with which I am very familiar”. Charlie
Hi Charlie: I feel validated by your sensitivity to the subject of boundaries and I’m glad that you think the book is well-written. I’d appreciate if you would check out my website, drpepperphd.com, and post a comment on any of the blogs that resonate for you. As for the panel, I was looking for someone from the modern school who would be brave enough to publicly defend their decision to blur boundaries–so far no takers. Do you know anyone from that group that might be willing to step up to the plate? Keep in touch. Rob.
“Bob, Good to see you in San Francisco. I read the preface to your book with horror when you talked about all the overlapping roles in your therapy and training group. It felt like being engulfed by a squid. I am reading on from there and noting that how we do training groups with both our psychiatric residents and MSW Interns is structured so differently although some of the complexity of the porous nature of boundaries makes it difficult for participants to share freely which we have come to accept as an inevitable artifact of over determined relationships. For example, we note in the prospectus that participants “are free to talk about whatever is on their minds” and mention some typical topics trainees typically explore but we don’t push and deliberately never make transferential interpretations. We do at the end of the group asking them to reflect, privately if they like which is what usually happens, on how the group experience as recapitulated their family of origin issues. For most of our trainees, this is a first whack at having a group experience and we want it to be gentle. It is difficult in a small town like Boise and an even smaller locale like the VA to have trainers who are totally uninvolved in some other aspect of their lives or have interns who don’t have a myriad of ways they interact with each other outside the group. Don’t know if this is helpful for you. It is on my list to pick through what we do to separate the training group from the rest of the experience and the myriad complications. However, I know you had asked about people being willing to be on a panel and wasn’t sure if what we are doing here would meet your expectations. Let me know what you think and I will keep in touch as I continue to read your book (well written might I add)”. Charlie
Hi Charlie: Sure I remember you… Sounds interesting. Tell me more. Take care. Rob
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Rob, Charlie here, older guy with a beard in your demo group at AGPA. I have two training groups here at the VA, one for social work interns and one for psychiatric residents. The boundaries are very porous which creates an almost continuous juggling of how to handle in group and out group information. If this would be helpful for your chapter. Let me know and we would be happy to provide whatever material I can. Charlie
