It is very rare indeed when couples want exactly the same amount of contact with each other at the same time.One partner always wants more.  As a couple therapist, I more often than not see couples in crisis. I don’t often meet couples who have stayed together for decades. When I meet such a couple, I’m always intrigued and ask them: “What is the secret of your success?”   Meeting one such  couple in my personal life, I asked that question. These perceptive and witty people told me that their secret of success was:” We never fell out of love with each other at the same time.  We took turns bringing the other back when one of us drifted too far away”.                                                                                                                        Have you ever noticed that couples that have stayed together for many years, tend to look like each other? Have they always looked alike or do they morph into each other over time?  Or when reading obituaries, I have noticed  it seems that long married couples tend to die relatively close together in time? However, research seems to indicate that as couples age, men live longer if they are married while women live longer if they aren’t.  What does that say about men?  Are we babies that need mommy around?  What does it say about women?  Do they live longer, and better without having to care for their childlike husbands?  Who know?