Here’s another chapter from my new book: ’99 Unconventional Interventions in Group Psychotherapy’
When In Doubt—Don’t
Drew struggled with weight related issues all his adult life. Approaching middle-age, he was morbidly obese but unable to stick with to a weight-loss program; his craving for sugar overwhelmed him. After a physical exam, where his internist warned him that his life was at risk he if didn’t lose weight quickly, he decided to take drastic measures. He was desperate and scared. Drew told his men’s group that he was determined to lose weight this time; he had enough being fat and was to undergo gastric by-pass surgery. The group was skeptical of his new-found resolve. Jack asked:” What’ changed? You’ve tried many diets. None have worked. ” Hank added:” As Pepper always says:’ He who tries fails’. I feel supportive of you but I’m worried that this plan will fail like all the others”. Drew said:” I appreciate your support and I know my track record with diets isn’t good. But I want to live. I want to live long enough to dance with my daughter at her wedding”. As the date of the surgery grew closer, Drew became more and more agitated. He said:” I’m terrified that I’ll die on the operating table.” The men understood his fear. Barry said:” I empathize. No one wants to get cut open. I was afraid when I had knee surgery”. Drew said:” Yea, but that was different. You’re a healthy guy. I have numerous health issues that put me at high risk for any surgery”. As part of the pre-op protocol, Drew was on a special liquid protein diet. A week before the surgery, he told the group:” In the last two months, I’ve lost 60 pounds!” Peter half-jokingly said:” Forget the surgery just stay on the diet.” Drew replied:” Don’t laugh. The thought has crossed my mind”. The week before the surgery, Drew reported a high anxiety, terror dream that something went terribly wrong with the surgery and he bled to death. He said “I’m thinking of cancelling it. But I don’t. I’m determined to go through with it” Dave said:” I want you to go through it. You made the commitment now stay with it.” I stepped in and protected Drew and said:” Now wait a minute Dave. That’s not a feeling. That’s your opinion. What’s your feeling toward Drew?” Dave said:” I feel supportive of him. I want the best for him”. I said:” You have a funny way of showing it. Only Drew knows what’s best for him”. Drew’s surgery was scheduled for the following week. He told me that he’d call me as soon as the surgery was over.
Needless to say, I was worried when he hadn’t called before the following group meeting. “Did you hear from Drew?” Brian asked. “No” was all I said. The group was alarmed but then startled when Drew came walking in. Out of shock and surprise I foolishly asked:” Did you have the surgery?” Drew said: “No. It was cancelled”. Everyone wanted to know how come. Drew told us a horrendous tale of how the night before the surgery, he had a panic attack. He shook and cried the entire night, terrified of what was to come. When he got to the hospital he wanted to change his mind and call it off but got caught up in the bureaucracy of the pre-op procedure. As he was being wheeled into the OR, he suffered another panic attack and told the anesthesiologist, he wanted to jump off the table. But like the prisoner about to be executed on death row, the surgeon walked in and said that the operation had to be cancelled because the latest minute blood tests were not good. He said: ”I might have bled to death.” Relieved that his worst nightmare didn’t come true and that he didn’t die on the operating table, Drew got dressed and was ready to run like hell when the surgeon stopped him and asked to have the operation re-scheduled. In group Drew said:” I don’t know what to do. I think this was a warning sign not to go through this. I feel guilty about telling the doctor—No but I don’t want it. I’ll do this on my own. I know now that I can. But I don’t want this operation”. I said: ”When in doubt—don’t”.
