When group members get lost in ‘futurizing’ about how much better their lives will be at some distant time and place, I first will  ask them:” And what are you going to do in the meantime?” The point is that we all are of two minds about almost everything.  We want to change but we resist it at the same time. When the group members’ response to my question is vague and clearly ambivalent, I asked the more pointed question: “What are you getting out of your unsatisfying life situation, just as it is?”  Invariably, the answer is: “Nothing”. I don’t quite believe it.  Although I realize that the member is truly unhappy, there is always some emotional investment in the status quo, even if it is a neurotic one.   For instance, Marta, a female group member, complained bitterly about feeling used by her boyfriend.  He had lied to her about needing to borrow her car for work. She found out that  he was using it to date other women! Herminie was incredulous.  She said: “So don’t lend him the car anymore”. Marta’s reply was like the old Groucho Marx line. She actually said:” No but I have to. He needs it!” Marta’s need to be needed overrode her good judgment. She  was compelled to act self-destructively and she suffered for it. I know it seems hard to believe but if it weren’t so neurotic, it would almost be funny. As much as she complained, she was not about to make any changes in the relationship.  In  her twisted thinking, this was her way of holding on to him. Clearly, if she had felt better about herself, she would have kicked him to the curb; but her self-esteem was very low.  Marta felt desperate. In her mind, a bad relationship was better than none at all.  As we say in group with cases like this, she was willing to accept crumbs from him; but at the same time, there was an emotionally healthy side to her personality. She wasn’t a lost cause. To her credit, Marta was able to laugh with the rest of us at the absurdity of the situation.