“Because you’re too good” was my reply to Ruthie who posed this question to her therapy  group. She was incredulous as to why her adult son was disrespectful and demanding, and with a great sense of entitlement,  despite the fact that she and her husband gave  him carte blanche  to live in their home. Although he worked, the son was allowed to live rent-free. “Sonny Boy”  didn’t earn much but even a small payment commiserate with his income, would have been a symbol of their expectations that he was no longer a child. But  Ruthie and her husband could not establish healthy conditions for their son to live under their roof.                                                                                   They were initially furious when he brought women home and took them upstairs to his bedroom.   To keep the peace, they  decided to bite their tongues. They  said nothing  even when the banging on the walls,  moaning and groaning kept them up to until the wee hours.   Ruthie didn’t seem to understand that allowing her son to live under their roof with no conditions was only exacerbating the situation.  The unspoken message to “Sonny Boy” was they were afraid to set limits for him, let alone ask him to leave.    The parents could not separate from their man/child son. Although they indulged him, he felt contempt for his parents;  and he showed it. I knew Ruthie was much too defensive to hear that she and her husband were enablers.  They accepted unacceptable behavior. “Sonny Boy’s” failure to launch was partly due to their unwillingness or inability to let him go.  The mark of success as a parent is their children’s ability to live independently.  The group tried to confront Ruthie’s complicity in her son’s inadequacy; she won’t hear it.  She seemed calmed when I put a spin on the problem that didn’t offend her weak ego. She actually liked thinking of herself as too good. It fit her distorted self- image; she could live with that.                                                                                            Things changed dramatically, however, after he lost his driving license for excessive speeding tickets and threatened Ruthie with a knife when she refused to drive him to his drug dealer’s home. “Sonny Boy’s” behavior has deteriorated from infantile to criminal and Ruthie is beside herself with anguish.   “What am I  to do now?”. She wonders. It’s a good question. Frankly, I’m worried too.  What has to change here before something tragic happens?