We don’t exist in a vacuum.  In fact,  we live in an ecological world where our words and our behavior effect the way others experience us and react to us.  In one of my therapy  groups, for example, Harry, a 30-ish male member, told us that he was offered a promotion at his company.  Harry said that he was flattered;  because he was such a good employee,  he was going to insist that he would only take the new position if  he  were offered a substantial raise and that he would be able to work from home two days a week.  Another group member, Jeff, a business owner himself, said that if he were the interviewer, he’d tell Harry: “It looks like this job isn’t for you”.   Others concurred and told Harry that he came across as arrogant and entitled. Harry was shocked and hurt.  He thought the group would be supportive of his ‘taking good care of himself’.  Harry had no idea how he came across. He didn’t see that he was confusing taking care of himself with being overbearing and assuming a superior attitude.  Despite his hurt, he valued the group’s feedback and changed his tack for the interview. After the interview, he thanked the group.  Harry realized that had he presented himself at the meeting in the same manner that he did in group–the interview would have been a disaster and  it would have been a big setback for him at the company.