When a group member’s loved one has died, I encourage them to tell us about the person. I say: “Tell the group about your loved one”. What were they like, good and bad, stories about them, reminisces and the like. Offering condolences is usually an empty gesture, leaving both parties with no where to go beyond saying :”thank you”. It often leaves the bereaved member feeling more alone than before. Talking about the loved one, brings that person into the room, they come alive for the group, and it gives the grieving member an opportunity, in the moment, to share their closeness with us. The bereaved member feels stabilized after talking about their loss. Though still very sad, the sharing experience helps to integrate their loved one’s memory in a healing way, giving them the strength to carry on knowing that person will always be with them.
This also applies to group members that have died. If members don’t periodically talk about the group loss, I’ll bring up the member’s name, during an interaction, and ask:” What would Nancy have felt about that?” Death ends a life; it does not end a relationship.
