Discretionary spending decisions are the result of a choice based on one’s emotional value system; but rather than consider our choices as a result of our emotions, we tend to treat ourselves as objects and think we’re making decisions through rational thinking alone. Recently, a middle-aged woman came to see me for a consultation about group therapy. She was having emotional conflicts with her grown children and other significant others in her life. When I explained the benefits of group, she seemed most eager to join until she asked me the cost of a session. When I told her, she said:” I can’t afford it” (My fee is modest compared to the going rate in NYC). I asked her if what she really meant was that her mental health wasn’t worth the money. She was initially offended by the question but upon further examination, she told me that she and her husband owned a country house, had just bought a new luxury car and were planning an extended European vacation. Her objection to the cost of group therapy was clearly not about the money. Nothing of real value comes easily, and therapy, especially group therapy, is hard work. The work of group therapy is hard because it requires the willingness and ability to experience the sometimes ‘rough and tumble’ of feedback from other members. We all have an emotional investment in seeing ourselves from our own limited perspective. To be open to listen to how others see us is a challenging experience indeed, but a necessary one to correct misalignments in our interpersonal relationships. Not everyone is open to that challenge.
