In my work as a couple therapist, I have observed a fascinating dynamic between partners. Some couples engage in an unconscious collusion to maintain the status quo, despite their mutual satisfaction with it. They  create an emotional environment that inhibits personal growth, trading off healthy needs for neurotic ones. There is a tendency for couples to re-create their parents’ marriage in their own married life.  The couple’s need for safety and stability trumps their need for change and personal development. If one partner doesn’t good care of themselves, the unspoken message is often the other shouldn’t take good care of themselves either. For example, a young couple  is stressed out about the demands of raising their two children.  The husband wants to take his wife for a weekend getaway to re-invigorate their relationships that has been showing the strain of their hectic family and work life.  The wife, though exhausted and irritable, feels guilty about leaving the children with her parents, even for an overnight in the City with her husband.  She believes that  a good parent’s job is to sacrifice for her children, even though she resents them for it. For his part, the husband has second-guessed his desire to spend time away from the kids; he has allowed her to make him feel guilty for what she considers to be his selfishness.  She has told him that: “A good parent denies their own pleasure for the sake of the children”. Initially, he didn’t believe her but her persistence has begun to wear down his solve. He resents her for it  and feels guilty because he has begun to resent the kids as well. The couple has reached an impasse and unless some compromise can be reached, the tension in the couple will not be resolved and will most likely increase. This is obviously not a good portent for their future.