I placed a paranoid man into one of my groups. Paranoia is based on fear; and ‘Marty’ ( identifying details have been changed) was very afraid. He was convinced that “they” were out to get him. Marty had an objection to many of my group rules such as: no outside contact between members, no physical contact in group, no eating, drinking nor smoking, no cell phones. Marty told me in front of the group that I ran things like a dictator. Then he asked me if I enjoyed reading “Mein Kamf”. When I said:” Why do you ask me that?” His reply was insidiously suspicious: “Because you’re a Nazi”.
Perhaps Marty was right, people may be out to get him; now I understand why. Even paranoids have enemies! But this blog is more about his effect on the group and their reaction to him, than it is about him. There was a time when I half-jokingly referred to this group as my ‘nice group’. Members were overly polite, not wanting to step on each other’s toes, but no longer. The new member’s paranoia seems to have infected the others and the group hasn’t been the same since. In fact, I’m now dealing with the group’s urge to commit infanticide, to get rid of him. He makes them nervous and all save one, want him out. And unless he becomes too disruptive, as long as one person wants him to stay– he stays. Marty, usually comes to group at least 10 minutes late. The group is furious with him for this but even more furious with me for not calling him on it, as I’ve done in the past with other members. They can’t figure out why I have given him a pass, allowing him a ‘grace period’ where he doesn’t have to reveal personal information. For the most part, when I do address him, I ask his reaction to interactions that take place between group members, or I simply glance his way from time to time to see if he’s tracking the interactions, sometimes he gives me a faint smile, as if to say “I know what’s going on here”; I return the faint smile and nod as he nods to me. The group knows very little about his personal life, or even why he’s in group to begin with. At the beginning of one group, before he made his entrance, Heidi said that she couldn’t hold back any longer and wanted to know why I have given Marty special treatment but said that she feels guilty talking behind his back. It was already more than 10 minutes into the group and he had not arrived. I reassured her and said;” The best time to talk about someone is behind their back!” The group concurred with Heidi. I asked them what personal information did they want about him? They wanted to know if he were married, did he work, did he have children. I asked what difference would it make knowing this stuff? They couldn’t answer. I told them that if they had a problem with any new member, then they had a problem with me because I brought Marty into the group and so I was responsible for the composition of the group. The buck stops with me.
And then it happened. The group’s paranoia spilled out. One member, Shirley, was afraid that Marty would come to group with a knife and attack everyone. But Shirley was even more afraid of discussing this with Marty in attendance. She wanted to keep the discussion a secret. Another member, Richard was also afraid of Marty. Richard’s fantasy was that Marty was part of a Colombian drug cartel and that the group would be gunned down as they left my office. Richard also wanted to keep this a secret. I put my finger to my lips and in a soft but menacing voice said;” Shh! I think that we should all whisper from now on. This group has secrets. May be he bugged the room. When we leave the building after the group session tonight, we should all leave through the basement, so as to thwart any would-be assassins waiting for us at the front door”. Needless to say, the group was even more furious with me than before. Stay tuned.
